Throughout my life I have been bullied over the way I look and how I act. I’ve gotten used to people treating me horribly and I just expect it. I guess it doesn’t seem like it affects me, because most people end up at the very end of my line of patience. I never show it though. I either laugh it off or hide in the shadows. When I tell people about my being bullied, they ask how I dealt with it. The truth is that I stopped trying to interact with people and became really socially awkward from it. I don’t really let people into my life, and even worse, I won’t let them back after they’ve left.
I’m scared of being treated the way I was when I was always around people. I would rather stay in my room and not have to talk to anyone. To me, being alone is better than being mistreated.
I do need a hug though. Hugs are nice.
I’m not sure if it’s who I am, where I am, or if I’m just simply out of ideas; I can’t seem to write anything worth reading. Ever since I was little I was always good at putting words on paper and enticing the people who read them. Lately I haven’t even been able to speak English properly. All of my words are jumbled up, or what I say just doesn’t make any sense.
I want to go somewhere and live there for a few months and try to get inspired. It doesn’t even have to be somewhere new or far, just somewhere that could open my brain to new ideas. I guess you could say that I need to start on a blank page of my life.
There were a ton of events in Vancouver this weekend, and I only went to one of them despite wanting to go to most of them.
The 1975 were in town on Sunday, and just my luck, their lead singer and drummer came into the store I work at while I was working. I got a photo with them and they put me on the guest list for their show! I had an amazing time.
NHL season that is! I’ve never been so excited for a season to get on its way. But tonight, the Oilers are opening up the season against the Jets and things are looking up for them. They have a new coach, which means learning a new system, but things are getting much better. They have more of a winning attitude, they know what it takes. All they have to do is believe it with everything they have. Even with new captain Andrew Ference leading the way, the start of the season is going to be a tough one. Especially with centres Sam Gagner and Ryan Nugent-Hopkins out with injuries.
There’s a lot to be excited for this season, and not just with the Oilers. The Ducks are going to have a throwback jersey night. This is probably they most exciting thing about this season. I loved those jerseys when I was growing up.
Now, I shall go back to watching soccer/futbol/football.
Recently I got hired at a new job. There are so many things that are terrifying about this. I’m just a really awkward and nervous person when approaching new situations. So many thoughts run through my head, and I tend to believe the worst. My anxiety just gets the best of me. I never know what to say when I meet new people. Heck, I never know what to say to the people I already know.
After writing that little blurb, I’ve gone into panic mode.
I wish that letting go of the past was easy. I mean, to me, the past is the past and it should stay there. I guess you could say that moving on is simple for me. I’ve grown out of holding on to people or situations that I shouldn’t hold on to. For others in my life, all they do is live in the past. It makes it difficult to move forward. How can they expect to do that when all they think about is what has already happened.
There are things that should be kept close to the heart, but they shouldn’t interfere with the way someone lives their life in present day. For some reason the ideal situation always has to be based on what has already happened. Why? Those things have already happened, good or bad the past should be like a text book; something that is there for you to learn from, and once you’ve learned your lesson you move on to a new year with new text books. Stop yourself from repeating a year, or several. Step away from what you know, and learn new lessons.
Usually when I can’t fall asleep, a million things are running through my mind. That’s not the case tonight though. I’m awake and bored out of my mind. Usually I can tell myself a story to make myself laugh or shake my head until I fall asleep. But there’s nothing going on inside the BrainTube tonight.
I might just go insane. What has happened to me?! The clicking of the keyboard on my phone has the weirdest tone to it… I wonder if I can change the sound…
Welp… That derailed pretty quick.
Good night, I guess.