I’ve never been great at socializing. I mean, I can talk to people and hold conversations, but I just don’t like talking too much. I like participating in activities, like sports and going to conventions, but the aspect of being in an area with a large amount of people freaks me out. I tend to do a lot of things alone.
When I was a kid, all of my friends were social butterflies. I was shy, and if I had to talk to people I didn’t know very well I would turn bright red and stutter my words. It didn’t help that my family always made fun of me for everything. Let’s just say I cried a lot when I was younger because my anxiety got the best of me. The anxiety I face in social situations today still haunts me, I just don’t cry as much. I can also talk to people I don’t know. But if I’m left alone with them for too long, I tend to stray to the corner or a room where there are no people. Thank God for smartphones.
I’ve always questioned, “How do I become what everyone wants?” But I have no desire of changing myself to do so. I don’t know if I’m just that lazy, or I enjoy being myself way too much. I do have a superficial side; I love playing with makeup and doing my hair and dressing up in swanky clothes. I guess when it comes down to it, I don’t put the effort in because I am lazy. I usually just wear jeans, and a t-shirt with a hoodie on top and minimal to no make up. Dressing up usually means wearing a nicer top than a t-shirt with a cardigan instead of a hoodie. Yeah, like I said, I’m lazy.
I guess it’s time for a change. I need to make myself a better person and pick up better habits. I should also try engaging myself in more conversations when I am out with people. I still have no idea why people invite me out with them in the first place.
No more being lazy!
That is what a lot of people seem to be doing these days, and what’s worse is that everyone else encourages it. As life goes on and evolves, the standard of living gets higher. As for the people, naturally, so do their expectations. But those same people won’t up their productivity. They demand more for less. Is that really fair? I know, I know, “life isn’t fair.” But it could be. The only reason it isn’t, is because no one tries to make it fair. Most people only care about themselves and what they could get out of certain things.
If more people cared about improving not only their quality of life, but the quality of other peoples’ lives, things would work out so much better for everyone. Once in a while everyone needs help, but once someone else needs help a blind eye is turned. Is it such a burden to lend a hand? Is your time so precious that no one else deserves a second of it?
I know it’s a lot to expect from people. I guess that’s just the circle of life.
Some days when I have so much to do, I whine about it and wish that there were more hours in the day. But on nights like tonight, and pretty much every night this week, I take that back. I haven’t been sleeping very well, and I can’t figure out why. I mean, there’s nothing bothering me that I know about and there’s nothing I need to do that would push me to stay awake. I just can’t fall asleep.
If I were able to focus right now, I would probably be able to do so much. Such as make a list of what I need to pack for my vacation. That is something that will be extremely useful for me.
And maybe I would be able to write a decent blog post that actually makes sense.
And my backspace button wouldn’t be used so much.
But I guess I should try sleeping again. Let’s see where this gets me. Hopefully to dreamland.
What I’ve noticed recently is that everyone’s catch phrase for this year is “The Best Year Yet” and for me that’s exactly what it’s shaping out to be. We’re a little over half way through January and I have so many things to be excited about.
First of all, people actually cared about my birthday this year. It was a really great day, and I actually felt special. Second of all, there have been a lot of plans made and events to count down to. Mostly hockey related things, but what else can you expect from me?! (ALSO, ONE DIRECTION!)
Speaking of hockey, the NHL is back. It’s really exciting, considering the Edmonton Oiler won their first game of the season AND I WAS THERE TO WITNESS IT! I did not mind cheering very loudly by myself since the closest Oiler fan was either three rows and 7 seats away or in a different section. Oh the joys of being a fan of a non-hometown team.
Coming up this week is the reservation for Dine Out Vancouver that my friends and I are going to. I’m really excited. I love food, and the menu sounds amazing. There’s also an All Time Low concert on Saturday which I’m so stoked for. I haven’t seen them live since Warped Tour and I really do miss them. Some might even say I’m going through a withdrawal. Other than those two events, nothing except work is happening this week.
I really need to find a new job.
Sometimes I feel like life is moving way to fast for me. I turn 21 in two days. Where did time go?
I spend most of my time being obsessed with hockey and food. I need a new hobby.
Sometimes being alone can be tranquil. Getting away from the hustle and bustle of busy every day life, and all of the people that accompany it. Sometimes you need that calm and quiet time with yourself.
Other times, being alone can be really lonely. The sad and depressing kind. It will either take you over and keep you in a rut, or just have to down and out for a few hours. Either way, we all know what it’s like to lose hope at one point or another. All we can do is get through it the best we can.
If you don’t fight for your happiness, is it worth it? Are you really happy, or are you just smiling? When you fight for something and conquer, there won’t be a way to keep that genuine smile off of your face.
Nothing feels right. It may be the lack if sleep I endured last night, but something just doesn’t feel nifty! I guess all I can do is hope that today turns out great