I Was Expecting to Have a Great Time

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My family vacation started out with spending a night in Washington to regroup after a 3 and a half hour drive. The morning after, we all packed up the cars once again and headed out for the rest of the drive to the Oregon Coast. That drive felt super long. There were a couple of areas (Portland and Tigard) that had us sitting in traffic for a while. I was trying so hard to keep myself from tanning in the car. Last year I received a very awkward tan line on my arm from sitting in Seattle’s traffic for just 20 minutes!

The actual time spent at the beach house was alright. It was really cold, and I ended up getting hives when I went out in the wind. It was also really foggy a lot of the time. To a point where we couldn’t see 8 feet in any direction. I ended up staying inside most of the time and watching the Disney Channel. I really wanted to hit up mini golf or even a driving range, but my cousin threw a hissy fit when it was mentioned. That was lame. There wasn’t much to do on the Oregon Coast anyway. I’m not of-age in the US, so I couldn’t go to the casino or bar. Even if I were legal down there, I probably wouldn’t have gone to those places anyway. I barely ever go to those places when I’m home where I’m legal. After the beach house, we headed to Salem to have lunch at a Thai restaurant owned by a family friend. The food was delicious. After lunch, we headed to a shopping outlet in Woodburn. We shopped for about four hours. I was so tired, but got twopairs of oxfords for $30 so I was happy.

After shopping at the outlet, we headed back to Washington to regroup again and stay another night. I hit the sack pretty early. I was so tired from travelling and shopping all day. Packing my suitcase was so tough. While we were at the beach house, since I had nothing else to do, I reorganized it to fill up all the space I had left for things that I would buy. Huge mistake! I was too lazy to reorganize it again after I had gone shopping. After we finished shopping in Washington, we packed up the cars and began to head home around 7:30 PM.

For once, I was so excited and happy to be home. Usually I’m very reluctant to leave Washington.

Happy travels!
– DP

I Might Have Something To Say For Once

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Since I was young, I never really let my deep thoughts out in general conversation. I would always just add to the conversation regarding whatever the topic was. I always veered away from having myself be the centre of attention in conversations. I never enjoyed talking about myself, and to this day I still don’t. I have been doing a lot of thinking lately, and realized that it is time to let my thoughts out in the open.

I need to be more open to people, and allow them to know what  is on my mind. Although, this can be very tough since the people in my life are not the best listeners. Everyone is so caught up in their own lives, that mine is pretty insignificant to them. I guess it is what everyone is used to, since I have spent most of my life being the listener and not the talker.

Where can we go from here?
– DP

You can’t say that I didn’t try.

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Earlier today, I tried to talk to my mom. I tried to tell her what’s been going on in my life, and how sick I’ve been. You know what happened? She didn’t care. She asked me why I was her child, why I was born. How in the world is that my fault at all? I didn’t ask to be born. I don’t have anyone to talk to. I’ve always known that people generally don’t care about me, but can’t they at least pretend? Especially when I need it for once.

- DP

Music is the best kind of therapy.

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Forget friends who pretend to understand what you’re going through, or family who only hear what they want to hear. There’s nothing better than really listening to the lyrics of a song and taking them in, then realizing that someone has gone through what you’re going through. And they made it through it, and came out stronger.

Happy listening.
– DP

Now I’m wondering if it was all worth it..

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Some would say that I grew up faster than other kids my age. I was put into advanced classes, and pressured to be perfect. That all changed when I was 11 years of age. Something inside of me changed, but I didn’t think it would still affect me as I got older. It still affects me until this very day. This very moment, while I’m writing this entry, and I’m dealing with it the best I can.

When I got into high school, I had carried over the same best friends I had in elementary school. I wanted to keep them as close as possible, and would do anything to keep us from drifting apart. Nothing worked though, we did end up drifting apart. I’ve never looked back though, and I don’t think they have either. Well, I did look back in regards to one person, and we’re still friends to this day. I hope we’re still friends a long time from now as well. Back to what I was saying, when we drifted apart, it seemed so right. I was never one to be with the “in-crowd” and that’s exactly who they wanted to be. When I was in high school, I don’t think I ever hung out with more than one group of friends for a period of time. I did end up re-connecting with my best friend from our earlier years of elementary school, and now we’re closer than ever. Aside from her, I really don’t have many options for friends.

In grade 11, I started to become a loner. I didn’t do it on purpose, my thought process was just different from everyone else’s. I saw things differently, and no one understood that except for my teachers. They saw it in the way I wrote my papers. The only annoying part about that was being told to stay after class and being asked if I was okay all the time. Well, that year I was in a class that ran all day for a whole year. There was so much unnecessary drama, that triggered something inside of me. I wanted out. I wanted to avoid social interaction for the rest of my life. That’s a really weird thing for me to say, because I love people. I love making people laugh, hearing awesome life stories, and I love just being able to have things in common with people. But for some reason, I still avoid social interactions and I’m really awkward.

In grade 12, I isolated myself from everyone and everything. I stopped going to school, and I quit my job. The worst day of my life so far happened on Friday, April 13, 2010. Yes, Friday The 13th. Lucky me. Everything went downhill on that day, and I’m still trying to fix everything. It’s way harder than I thought it would be. Initially I thought, ‘It all went downhill so easily, the uphill struggle will be tough but worth it and over before I know it.’ I’m still working on that uphill struggle, and I really don’t see the top of the hill anywhere in sight. That doesn’t mean I should quit. I’ve got to get more motivated. It seems as though more people are trying to bring me down, rather than help me. So I guess I should do it for me. But is it really worth it? Am I really worth it? Being alone gets old fast. I still wonder if it was worth it.. Pushing away all of the people in my life, I mean. Could they have helped me in some way? I guess I’ll never know.

Some things can change though.
– DP

Where has summer gone?

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It’s August 1st, and it doesn’t even feel like summer at all. The weather has been pretty cold, even colder than usual for a summer in Vancouver. I haven’t been doing much either. I went away for one weekend, but a weekend just isn’t long enough. I did have fun though! I’m going away again for a week on the 18th. I hope it ends up being fun, but I doubt it will. But life’s what you make it, so let’s make it right..? (I believe that is a quote from former Disney star, Hannah Montana.) Other than that, I’ve done nothing. I’ve got one volunteer job coming up, which I’m really excited for because I don’t have an actual job and I really want to do something productive. Also, I’m hoping so badly that I land another volunteer job. One that lasts an entire hockey season. I love helping people. I really do. It makes me so happy whenever someone thanks me and tells me that my presence is appreciated.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt this alone or useless in my life, and that is saying a lot considering my past. My life is pretty sad.

Party hard!
– DP