Reassurance and Confirmation

Sometimes you just need to hear someone else say it. It’s a struggle to convince yourself that it’s true. After trying so hard and repeating it to yourself, but still finding it hard to believe, it’s an exhausting fight.

I just need to hear you say it. I need to know for sure.



I’m not an avid gamer or really a gamer at all. I play video games occasionally, I watch gaming channels on YouTube, and sit through 8+ hours of streamers doing their thing on Twitch. But I’m not really a gamer. I do have a weird obsession with consoles though. I feel like I need all of them. Just in case. I currently have my eye on the Destiny: The Taken King PS4 bundle. It’s really pretty. I don’t even like PlayStation. But it’s really pretty!!

See for yourself:

PlayStation 4 500GB Destiny: The Taken King Bundle at

But anyway, the only game I really play is Grand Theft Auto V. I did play through the Halo: Masterchief Collection on Easy, and I do plan on playing through the rest of the difficulties eventually, but I just don’t have time to sit down and play through games. I wish I did.

I’m really excited for Minecraft: Story Mode. I have yet to read up anything about it, but I’m still excited. Minecraft is usually what I play when I just need to get away from everything, hahaha. I hope that Story Mode is at least decent. I won’t let myself have high hopes because it is a game aimed at children after all. I initially want to play it on PC. I like Mincraft for PC much better than on the Xbox One. I don’t even use mods, but the freedom is just a lot more fun.

Speaking of PC’s, I really want a Razer Blade. I can’t justify the price tag because I would mostly just use it as an every day PC with occasional gaming. As I do with my PC now. I don’t think I’ve even opened Steam in a very long time.

I do really want to make playing video games a bigger hobby for me. I don’t really have any hobbies, I spend most of my free time sleeping. I do fun things sparingly, haha.

If you are reading this and dabble in the fantastic universe of video games, what Xbox One game(s) would you suggest I immerse myself into? Also, what gaming accessories should I invest in? I’m talking headphones, mics, keyboards, mice, etc. I’ll take any suggestions, don’t be shy!


Stuck In Limbo

I don’t want to be anywhere right now. I used to go to work to escape from my toxic home life, because work felt like home to me. But work has become a toxic environment as well. As of right now, I feel like I’m in limbo. I don’t really feel at home anywhere.

I don’t know what to do at this point. I am completely lost, wandering in the dark.


I Can’t Help But Feel Used

How many times have you sacrificed your happiness in order to make someone else happy? I rarely have anything to be happy about, so I tend not to do this. It’s completely draining for me to give away the tiniest ounce of what is holding me together.

Recently, I decided that someone would be worth it. Making them happy was all that I wanted to do… After it was all said and done, I felt good about it for the first few days. Then things started turning around. That person no longer cares that I even exist. And I am sitting here feeling so used.

I never let people into my life. I have walls up, and I make that very obvious. I am not sure how this person managed to get through, but they did. I am so stupid.


Burnt Out

I am completely burnt out. Defeated. Exhausted. I can’t think straight anymore. Most of my mornings consist of waking up and asking myself, “What do I have to crawl out of bed to fuck up today?”

I am too tired to be passionate about anything right now even though there are so many things that I want to do. I am capable of so much, I know that. But I’m completely drained. I haven’t had time off to relax for two years. There is too much going on and I have fallen behind. I do not feel as if I can catch up now.