People Watching

She stared out the window watching passersby. Wondering where each one is headed. Her eyes follow a young man walking hurriedly whilst rummaging through his bag. He isn’t paying attention to what is in front of him and his arm aggressively makes contact with a lamp post. His face says it all – right in the funny bone. She can’t help but smirk. Sympathetic in a way, yet smug.

He looks around to see if anyone had seen his encounter, and makes eye contact with her. His eyes widen with embarrassment. She blushes, filling with guilt, hoping that he didn’t see the smile on her face.

As he continues on his way, she notices his path will cross hers. A panic sets in. Is he upset that she found amusement in his discomfort? She hopes he’s not a man of confrontation. She gets up, wanting to leave before he reaches her, but the gap quickly closes. He’s looking right at her and just passes by with a slight nod. Acknowledgement of a moment between them and the panic diminishes, just like that.

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Storytelling

I’ve always wanted to be a storyteller. When I was younger I loved to write short stories with the most outrageous characters. Humour was my forte. But these days I don’t even have an imagination. Where did it all go? Did I lose it all or is my brain just blocking it from flowing? 

I have no idea what to do to get inspired. But I still dream of being a storyteller.

D.

An All Time Low

I am leaving a place that I have experienced for the first time and I wouldn’t say that I hate it, but it’s not a place I would call a getaway. I am sitting in the airport. I am at a standstill with my feelings. I am excited to go back to my hometown, but I am dreading going back to the house I live in.

D.

Improving Myself

There are a few things that I need to do to better myself this year. I know, I know, resolutions are planned but never really accomplished. So this is just a simple to do list. I’m turning 24 in a week and it’s time for me to grow up.

  1. I need to get better at handling my finances. I need to stop indulging in luxuries and be my frugal. This is going to be the biggest thing, because I am awful with my money.
  2. I need to make healthier choices. I don’t mean that I need to hit the gym (even though I do), because I won’t do that. I just need to watch what and how much I eat. It’s pretty easy for me to watch what I eat because I’m not a picky eater. The tough part is how much I eat >.<
  3. I need to fall in love with a hobby again. I need to find something to do with my spare time rather than sit at home and watch YouTube videos.

I need to keep reminding myself to work on being better. It won’t happen unless I actively do something.

D.

New Year, New Me

I hate it when people say that… Because I know that no one follows through with most of their resolutions. But for 2016 I know what I really want to do with myself, and I’ve been trying for a while.

I need to re-ignite the passion inside me for the things that I know I love doing.

I’m not sure if I am just plain lazy or if I’m just patiently waiting to die. I just don’t have any hobbies anymore. I don’t partake in anything. I go to work, I come home, I check my social media, then I go to bed. That literally is my every day life. Same damn thing, every damn day.

I want to take photos again. I want to write. I want to read more books. I have time for it all. I need to stop saying that I don’t.

I know who I want to be. I need to make it happen.

D.

Dummy

I often make dumb decisions. I tend to shy away from unfamiliar situations even though I know they are in the correct direction that I’m supposed to be going in. I’ve missed a lot of amazing opportunities because of my anxiety.

I hate myself for it. I hate myself for a lot of reasons. But I am working on it. I’m trying to be a better person. I’m trying to make myself into a person that I like while being as genuine as possible.

I hope I get there. I hope I smarten up. I know what’s right and what’s good for me, but why am I so afraid of reaching for it?

D.

What Happened?

I used to be someone who didn’t cry at funerals, or because I missed someone, or when I was sad in general. I basically didn’t have emotions. I want to go back to that.

I am more than ok with not being sad about anything.

These days I am an emotional wreck. I cry even when something sad happens while I’m watching the Disney Channel.

Make it stop.

D.