I’ve always wanted to be a storyteller. When I was younger I loved to write short stories with the most outrageous characters. Humour was my forte. But these days I don’t even have an imagination. Where did it all go? Did I lose it all or is my brain just blocking it from flowing?
I have no idea what to do to get inspired. But I still dream of being a storyteller.
I’m always so bitter and angry toward everyone else, but I actually only really hate myself.
I am leaving a place that I have experienced for the first time and I wouldn’t say that I hate it, but it’s not a place I would call a getaway. I am sitting in the airport. I am at a standstill with my feelings. I am excited to go back to my hometown, but I am dreading going back to the house I live in.
There are a few things that I need to do to better myself this year. I know, I know, resolutions are planned but never really accomplished. So this is just a simple to do list. I’m turning 24 in a week and it’s time for me to grow up.
- I need to get better at handling my finances. I need to stop indulging in luxuries and be my frugal. This is going to be the biggest thing, because I am awful with my money.
- I need to make healthier choices. I don’t mean that I need to hit the gym (even though I do), because I won’t do that. I just need to watch what and how much I eat. It’s pretty easy for me to watch what I eat because I’m not a picky eater. The tough part is how much I eat >.<
- I need to fall in love with a hobby again. I need to find something to do with my spare time rather than sit at home and watch YouTube videos.
I need to keep reminding myself to work on being better. It won’t happen unless I actively do something.
I hate it when people say that… Because I know that no one follows through with most of their resolutions. But for 2016 I know what I really want to do with myself, and I’ve been trying for a while.
I need to re-ignite the passion inside me for the things that I know I love doing.
I’m not sure if I am just plain lazy or if I’m just patiently waiting to die. I just don’t have any hobbies anymore. I don’t partake in anything. I go to work, I come home, I check my social media, then I go to bed. That literally is my every day life. Same damn thing, every damn day.
I want to take photos again. I want to write. I want to read more books. I have time for it all. I need to stop saying that I don’t.
I know who I want to be. I need to make it happen.
I often make dumb decisions. I tend to shy away from unfamiliar situations even though I know they are in the correct direction that I’m supposed to be going in. I’ve missed a lot of amazing opportunities because of my anxiety.
I hate myself for it. I hate myself for a lot of reasons. But I am working on it. I’m trying to be a better person. I’m trying to make myself into a person that I like while being as genuine as possible.
I hope I get there. I hope I smarten up. I know what’s right and what’s good for me, but why am I so afraid of reaching for it?
I used to be someone who didn’t cry at funerals, or because I missed someone, or when I was sad in general. I basically didn’t have emotions. I want to go back to that.
I am more than ok with not being sad about anything.
These days I am an emotional wreck. I cry even when something sad happens while I’m watching the Disney Channel.
Make it stop.