Life, Personal

Burnt Out

I am completely burnt out. Defeated. Exhausted. I can’t think straight anymore. Most of my mornings consist of waking up and asking myself, “What do I have to crawl out of bed to fuck up today?”

I am too tired to be passionate about anything right now even though there are so many things that I want to do. I am capable of so much, I know that. But I’m completely drained. I haven’t had time off to relax for two years. There is too much going on and I have fallen behind. I do not feel as if I can catch up now.



A New Chapter

Recently I got hired at a new job. There are so many things that are terrifying about this. I’m just a really awkward and nervous person when approaching new situations. So many thoughts run through my head, and I tend to believe the worst. My anxiety just gets the best of me. I never know what to say when I meet new people. Heck, I never know what to say to the people I already know.

After writing that little blurb, I’ve gone into panic mode.

Oh no.


Life, Personal

Looking Back

I wish that letting go of the past was easy. I mean, to me, the past is the past and it should stay there. I guess you could say that moving on is simple for me. I’ve grown out of holding on to people or situations that I shouldn’t hold on to. For others in my life, all they do is live in the past. It makes it difficult to move forward. How can they expect to do that when all they think about is what has already happened.

There are things that should be kept close to the heart, but they shouldn’t interfere with the way someone lives their life in present day. For some reason the ideal situation always has to be based on what has already happened. Why? Those things have already happened, good or bad the past should be like a text book; something that is there for you to learn from, and once you’ve learned your lesson you move on to a new year with new text books. Stop yourself from repeating a year, or several. Step away from what you know, and learn new lessons.

Move on.


Life, Personal

Liveblog: My First Time… Taking Sleeping Pills!

2:45 AM: I’m gonna try to sleep now. Exciting day ahead of me. Good night!

2:38 AM: Finished season 4 of Red vs. Blue. On to season 5!

2:31 AM: Reading makeup reviews. This is bad. I feel the need to go shopping.

2:04 AM: I really wish I could sleep right now… I’m going to look through all of the photos on my phone.

2:02 AM: I almost fell down the stairs 😦 That would have been the second time in a week that I’ve injured myself while walking around in the dark. I’m fine though.

1:56 AM: Checking

1:44 AM: Go Blues!

1:41 AM: Just thinking about how great life would be if I could sleep like a normal person…

1:36 AM: Reading reviews of the sleeping pills I took… They have good reviews, but I don’t agree with any of them. I guess I’d have to give them more than one go.

1:32 AM: Eating…………………. I shouldn’t be doing this. I’m gonna feel terrible all day. Setting myself up for disaster… BUT AT LEAST THE WONDER YEARS ARE IN TOWN TODAY. I AM BEYOND EXCITED.

1:21 AM: Finished my Caramilk bar. I regret deciding to eat it… Still watching Red vs. Blue.

1:20 AM: Checking Tumblr.

1:16 AM: Eating a Caramilk bar. There’s no golden key in this one 😦

1:10 AM: Red vs. Blue. Bow chicka bow wow.

1:07 AM: Decided to stop tossing and turning… I’m definitely not sleeping tonight.

12:00 AM, 14/7/13: Turn off all devices… Tucking myself into bed.

11:52 PM: Half hour mark. I feel drowsy.

11: 46 PM: Check all social networks…

11:32 PM: Start re-watching Season 4 of Red vs. Blue. I’m re-watching all of the seasons before the premiere of season 11!

11:22 PM, 13/7/13: Took two pills. The bottle said I’d be drowsy in half an hour.

Life, Personal

Things I need to accomplish to be happy with myself:

  1. Lose weight – Ever since I started working in a kitchen at a pub in 2009 I have noticed how I’ve gain a few pounds in a short amount of time. Before that, I rarely cooked for myself or really appreciated food. But since I’ve gained the skill I tend to cook when I’m bored or when I’m craving something, which happens a lot because I watch the Food Network a lot. This all resulted in me being at a weight that I don’t want to be at, so I have to do something about it.
  2. Save money – I’ll admit, I have a shopping problem… I see things that I want and I’ll buy them (that includes food.) I need to learn some self control and stop impulse purchasing things.
  3. GO BACK TO SCHOOL – I’ve been out of high school for three years, and haven’t enrolled yet. I guess it has to do with the fact that I have trouble saving my money to pay for school. I actually like being in school and learning new things, and I actually really want to go back.


xo DP

Life, Personal

How do I become what everyone wants?

I’ve never been great at socializing. I mean, I can talk to people and hold conversations, but I just don’t like talking too much. I like participating in activities, like sports and going to conventions, but the aspect of being in an area with a large amount of people freaks me out. I tend to do a lot of things alone.

When I was a kid, all of my friends were social butterflies. I was shy, and if I had to talk to people I didn’t know very well I would turn bright red and stutter my words. It didn’t help that my family always made fun of me for everything. Let’s just say I cried a lot when I was younger because my anxiety got the best of me. The anxiety I face in social situations today still haunts me, I just don’t cry as much. I can also talk to people I don’t know. But if I’m left alone with them for too long, I tend to stray to the corner or a room where there are no people. Thank God for smartphones.

I’ve always questioned, “How do I become what everyone wants?” But I have no desire of changing myself to do so. I don’t know if I’m just that lazy, or I enjoy being myself way too much. I do have a superficial side; I love playing with makeup and doing my hair and dressing up in swanky clothes. I guess when it comes down to it, I don’t put the effort in because I am lazy. I usually just wear jeans, and a t-shirt with a hoodie on top and minimal to no make up. Dressing up usually means wearing a nicer top than a t-shirt with a cardigan instead of a hoodie. Yeah, like I said, I’m lazy.

I guess it’s time for a change. I need to make myself a better person and pick up better habits. I should also try engaging myself in more conversations when I am out with people. I still have no idea why people invite me out with them in the first place.

No more being lazy!



“Try asking for more than you deserve.”

That is what a lot of people seem to be doing these days, and what’s worse is that everyone else encourages it. As life goes on and evolves, the standard of living gets higher. As for the people, naturally, so do their expectations. But those same people won’t up their productivity. They demand more for less. Is that really fair? I know, I know, “life isn’t fair.” But it could be. The only reason it isn’t, is because no one tries to make it fair. Most people only care about themselves and what they could get out of certain things.

If more people cared about improving not only their quality of life, but the quality of other peoples’ lives, things would work out so much better for everyone. Once in a while everyone needs help, but once someone else needs help a blind eye is turned. Is it such a burden to lend a hand? Is your time so precious that no one else deserves a second of it?

I know it’s a lot to expect from people. I guess that’s just the circle of life.

xo DP


So far in 2013…

What I’ve noticed recently is that everyone’s catch phrase for this year is “The Best Year Yet” and for me that’s exactly what it’s shaping out to be. We’re a little over half way through January and I have so many things to be excited about.

First of all, people actually cared about my birthday this year. It was a really great day, and I actually felt special. Second of all, there have been a lot of plans made and events to count down to. Mostly hockey related things, but what else can you expect from me?! (ALSO, ONE DIRECTION!)

Speaking of hockey, the NHL is back. It’s really exciting, considering the Edmonton Oiler won their first game of the season AND I WAS THERE TO WITNESS IT! I did not mind cheering very loudly by myself since the closest Oiler fan was either three rows and 7 seats away or in a different section. Oh the joys of being a fan of a non-hometown team.

Coming up this week is the reservation for Dine Out Vancouver that my friends and I are going to. I’m really excited. I love food, and the menu sounds amazing. There’s also an All Time Low concert on Saturday which I’m so stoked for. I haven’t seen them live since Warped Tour and I really do miss them. Some might even say I’m going through a withdrawal. Other than those two events, nothing except work is happening this week.

I really need to find a new job.

Dora P.