Life, Personal

Burnt Out

I am completely burnt out. Defeated. Exhausted. I can’t think straight anymore. Most of my mornings consist of waking up and asking myself, “What do I have to crawl out of bed to fuck up today?”

I am too tired to be passionate about anything right now even though there are so many things that I want to do. I am capable of so much, I know that. But I’m completely drained. I haven’t had time off to relax for two years. There is too much going on and I have fallen behind. I do not feel as if I can catch up now.

D.

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Life

A New Chapter

Recently I got hired at a new job. There are so many things that are terrifying about this. I’m just a really awkward and nervous person when approaching new situations. So many thoughts run through my head, and I tend to believe the worst. My anxiety just gets the best of me. I never know what to say when I meet new people. Heck, I never know what to say to the people I already know.

After writing that little blurb, I’ve gone into panic mode.

Oh no.

D.

Life, Personal

Looking Back

I wish that letting go of the past was easy. I mean, to me, the past is the past and it should stay there. I guess you could say that moving on is simple for me. I’ve grown out of holding on to people or situations that I shouldn’t hold on to. For others in my life, all they do is live in the past. It makes it difficult to move forward. How can they expect to do that when all they think about is what has already happened.

There are things that should be kept close to the heart, but they shouldn’t interfere with the way someone lives their life in present day. For some reason the ideal situation always has to be based on what has already happened. Why? Those things have already happened, good or bad the past should be like a text book; something that is there for you to learn from, and once you’ve learned your lesson you move on to a new year with new text books. Stop yourself from repeating a year, or several. Step away from what you know, and learn new lessons.

Move on.

D.

Life, Personal

How do I become what everyone wants?

I’ve never been great at socializing. I mean, I can talk to people and hold conversations, but I just don’t like talking too much. I like participating in activities, like sports and going to conventions, but the aspect of being in an area with a large amount of people freaks me out. I tend to do a lot of things alone.

When I was a kid, all of my friends were social butterflies. I was shy, and if I had to talk to people I didn’t know very well I would turn bright red and stutter my words. It didn’t help that my family always made fun of me for everything. Let’s just say I cried a lot when I was younger because my anxiety got the best of me. The anxiety I face in social situations today still haunts me, I just don’t cry as much. I can also talk to people I don’t know. But if I’m left alone with them for too long, I tend to stray to the corner or a room where there are no people. Thank God for smartphones.

I’ve always questioned, “How do I become what everyone wants?” But I have no desire of changing myself to do so. I don’t know if I’m just that lazy, or I enjoy being myself way too much. I do have a superficial side; I love playing with makeup and doing my hair and dressing up in swanky clothes. I guess when it comes down to it, I don’t put the effort in because I am lazy. I usually just wear jeans, and a t-shirt with a hoodie on top and minimal to no make up. Dressing up usually means wearing a nicer top than a t-shirt with a cardigan instead of a hoodie. Yeah, like I said, I’m lazy.

I guess it’s time for a change. I need to make myself a better person and pick up better habits. I should also try engaging myself in more conversations when I am out with people. I still have no idea why people invite me out with them in the first place.

No more being lazy!

Cheers!
Dora

Life, Personal

I don’t know how to function on a “Lazy Day”

I literally felt lost all day, because I had so many things I wanted to do but I didn’t know where to start! I didn’t even get to move my bedroom furniture around. But I did catch One Direction’s gig live on the iTunes Festival stream. That was the most exciting part of my day. Well, hearing their new single was also pretty exciting.

As you can tell, I don’t have much of a life!

Anyway, tomorrow is the start of a new hockey season for the Vancouver Giants! I’m super excited.

Get stoked!
xo DP

Life

Awkward Days

I feel like today went by as a huge blur. I don’t even remember what I did before the game, but I’ll try to recap.

My day started off really early. I didn’t need an alarm, but I set one anyway. I have absolutely no idea why I had done that since I absolutely hate waking up by an alarm. And why on earth did I set my alarm so early in the morning? I have no idea about that either. I got straight out of bed and decided that I should get ready for my day despite having hours and hours before I actually had to do anything. That was a good decision though, because those hours had passed fairly quickly.

I left for work and it was freezing outside. Actually, I believe it was below freezing. I wanted to go back inside my house and curl up under my warm blankets. I got to work really early, so I decided to check out the Vancouver Canucks outlet store that’s across the street from the rink. They had nothing of interest to me, so I just headed into the arena. Despite being early, I wasn’t the first one there. That was a relief because I probably would have fallen asleep. After almost everyone had arrived, we were given our tasks for the night. I was on Mini Minor duty; my favourite 🙂 The team was so great and executed their line changes perfectly. That may sound like an easy task, but it really isn’t when you’re six or seven years old. I feel like the game went by so quickly. The home team lost.. Again. But they’ll have a chance to redeem themselves at their next game, I guess..

Stay classy,
xo DP

PS. When I saw this, I freaked out a little bit. Don’t worry, I did catch on to the fact that it’s a false alarm.

Life

Oops, I Missed a Day!

I guess I’ll just have to make one extremely long posts about my past two days.

Yesterday was a pretty good day for me despite it being Friday the 13th. I’m still haunted by April 13, 2010 so whenever the 13th lands on a Friday my anxiety rises quite a bit. Well, that wasn’t the case yesterday! When I woke up I was pretty stoked about the sun shining. That’s always a great thing to see after days of gloomy rainfall. I headed out for my job interview, and it was freezing. I wasn’t as bundled up as I should have been, but it’s whatever. I dropped by the bank before I had to go to my job interview and there was a cute boy in there.. I decided it would be a great idea to just awkwardly stare at him as I waited in line. Yep.

I got through my job interview, and got hired. I’M SO EXCITED THAT I’M FINALLY WORKING AGAIN! It’s my semester break right now, so I’m relieved about not having to stress over other things that I have to remember while I go through my training. I decided to treat myself and buy some new clothes and make up. I can already tell that I will have trouble saving my extra money again.. Haha. When I got home I was trying to decide whether to take a nap or not. I opted out, and left to meet up with some friends for an early dinner before our game.

After dinner we were stuck in traffic and started talking about the weirdest things.. That’s the thing I love most about my friends; we always have the weirdest conversations and things are never boring. I won’t get into what we were talking about, I’ll just say that it involved a news report from Toronto. But we got to work just in time to get briefed on what our tasks were for the night. Work was steady, but the home team lost. And two players both injured their left shoulders in the first period.. HOW DOES THAT EVEN HAPPEN?! Friday the 13th, that’s how. The team lost pretty bad..

Today I also had a really good day. I grabbed some Starbucks before work and it was delicious. Anyway, it was Tim Hortons Night at the game. Which meant tons of Tim Hortons giveaways.. INCLUDING COFFEE BREWERS! Yeah.. It was intense. We also lost that game, but it was only by one point.

I really should do these entries BEFORE it gets really late and I’m super tired, haha.

Stay classy,
xo DP