Lately people have been telling me that I really have my shit together. I really don’t feel like I do. I feel like I’m going absolutely mental. I don’t feel in control at all. I wish that I could calm myself down, but nothing I’ve tried has worked.
I can’t seem to figure out which way is up. But I need to get away from the toxic people in my life.There are way too many lurking around right now. I honestly have always blamed myself for not being able to deal with people. But I have realized that I have just always been around a lot of people who try to bring me down.
Things need to change.
I’ve had a lot going on in my life lately. There have been some rough patches, some smooth patches, some more rough patches… But I’ve been keeping my head up. Of course there are those times when I can’t help but dwell and feel absolutely crushed, but I’ve been able to move on.
I’m trying to be a more positive person. I don’t have a very big support group because I am afraid to let people in. I’m just hanging on to what I have.I need to remind myself to keep looking forward rather than at the past. If I let the negative things dictate the way I act, thing will continue on that dark path.
I’ve always wanted to be a storyteller. When I was younger I loved to write short stories with the most outrageous characters. Humour was my forte. But these days I don’t even have an imagination. Where did it all go? Did I lose it all or is my brain just blocking it from flowing?
I have no idea what to do to get inspired. But I still dream of being a storyteller.
I’m always so bitter and angry toward everyone else, but I actually only really hate myself.
I am leaving a place that I have experienced for the first time and I wouldn’t say that I hate it, but it’s not a place I would call a getaway. I am sitting in the airport. I am at a standstill with my feelings. I am excited to go back to my hometown, but I am dreading going back to the house I live in.
There are a few things that I need to do to better myself this year. I know, I know, resolutions are planned but never really accomplished. So this is just a simple to do list. I’m turning 24 in a week and it’s time for me to grow up.
- I need to get better at handling my finances. I need to stop indulging in luxuries and be my frugal. This is going to be the biggest thing, because I am awful with my money.
- I need to make healthier choices. I don’t mean that I need to hit the gym (even though I do), because I won’t do that. I just need to watch what and how much I eat. It’s pretty easy for me to watch what I eat because I’m not a picky eater. The tough part is how much I eat >.<
- I need to fall in love with a hobby again. I need to find something to do with my spare time rather than sit at home and watch YouTube videos.
I need to keep reminding myself to work on being better. It won’t happen unless I actively do something.
I hate it when people say that… Because I know that no one follows through with most of their resolutions. But for 2016 I know what I really want to do with myself, and I’ve been trying for a while.
I need to re-ignite the passion inside me for the things that I know I love doing.
I’m not sure if I am just plain lazy or if I’m just patiently waiting to die. I just don’t have any hobbies anymore. I don’t partake in anything. I go to work, I come home, I check my social media, then I go to bed. That literally is my every day life. Same damn thing, every damn day.
I want to take photos again. I want to write. I want to read more books. I have time for it all. I need to stop saying that I don’t.
I know who I want to be. I need to make it happen.