Sometimes I wonder why I am the way I am. I’m extremely weird and awkward, and it drives people away. Although I do constantly make the people who stick around (and myself) laugh quite a bit, I’m not sure that it’s worth it. The amount of people I drive away is rather unbelievable. I’ve never been one to “follow the herd.” I’ve always been that friendly loner who sits back and just watches life happen. Not that I just sit back and watch life happen, I do live my own life. It’s just unconventional. I like to read for fun. Most people my age don’t do that these days. They’re more into partying and having a social life. I’m not saying that I don’t enjoy those things, it’s just that I’m not any good at it.
And I’m not saying that I’m completely alone. I do have friends, they just prefer not to spend time with me. Occasionally they realize that they haven’t seen me in a while and tell me that they miss me, but usually I’m the last person they would think of when planning an outing or an event.
Should I change the way I am? Not to conform, but to be able to speak to people without scaring them away. I mean, I don’t scare everyone away, but it does happen quite a bit. I’m not sure if it’s my brutal honesty, or the fact that I say things that shouldn’t be said. Maybe, just maybe, I should stop saying the things that people don’t want to hear. But what’s the fun in that? People need to hear those things. Hmm.. Now that I think about it, do I just bring people down? I hope not! Because I am that person who sits there and smiles all the time, and there doesn’t even have to be anything on my mind. I just like to smile. Except when I’m tired, then I remain expressionless. Or grumpy.
Maybe I’m just crazy. No one wants to associate with a crazy person!